Love the Bucket or a Meditation on Effigy

The other day I was waiting for my train to arrive and on the platform there was a dazzling duo performing an awesome drum and tap dance act. The sounds of the conga thumping out a strong baseline while the tap dancer composed riffs that floated like melodies with his shoes. Nice! On and on he went entrancing the audience like the pied piper. I must admit I was entirely drawn in. Having lulled the audience into submission they wrapped up their piece on a sudden beat and shouted while pointing to their bucket, "DON'T HATE, DON'T HATE - LOVE THE BUCKET". For a second no one moved. Then the audience responded with dollar bills and loose change.

It wasn't until later that evening that I started to think about what they said, "DON'T HATE, LOVE THE BUCKET." What were they really saying? Standing on that platform, we the passengers had become voyeurs to their private recital. They had to snap us out of our complacency and self consciousness to get us to take part in their performance. "DON'T HATE" Don't be alien, don't leave us hanging.

Too often people build for themselves an image of reality, a representation, an effigy if you will of the way things should. We are lulled by the act of observation. But, if you fail to burn that effigy I think you'll end up remaining on the outside of the inner human circle. So, do a little dance, be generous and "LOVE THE BUCKET!"

EFFIGY

1) The too good factor: Remember that TV show, Cupid, you know the one with that guy from Entourage. It didn’t last long, but it was soooo good! What a concept, a show about a man who claims he’s Cupid, banished from Mt. Olympus, only to return after matching up a number of lovers. Yeah, it was a good show. Excellent writing, nice direction, superb acting, interesting settings, the whole nine yards. But, YOU (heathen) yes YOU didn’t watch it, or at least enough of your friends didn't (heathens) that it failed miserably and landed on the dustheap with a thousand other tiny fading glories. Why not? I would like to introduce you to the too good factor. It postulates that a vast majority of superb creative content goes unnoticed by the masses. for precisely the reason that it just simply too good. Hence, brilliant artists like Van Gogh die in poverty and the Backstreet Boyz rise to incredible fame. (Cinema might be the only exception to this rule - also ancient Greek Tragedy)

What if there existed an internet community which arbitrated on behalf of all things marginalized by the “too good factor”. It would allow real talent to emerge and help tone down the poor taste of the masses.


2) Blind Brainstorm: How many times have the best ideas been shot down because the person who suggested them wasn't in the right pecking order on the totem pole. This idea goes out to all you bottom-feeders out there. We propose, every once in a harvest moon, when an organization feels like shaking the tree to get some fresh ideas, that an anonymous online meeting is hosted in which all individuals who have been invited are given avatars to represent them. No one would be made privy to the identities of the avatars (except for maybe the enlightened meeting organizer) and the forum would be open. This could also be done using interactive video characters and maybe scrambles voices. Yes, yes I know there are some serious mechanics to be worked out here and the meetings might be insanely akward with a bunch of automaton voices all croaking at the same time with weird alien faces. Even so, as a once in a while special treat to give a shoutout to the meritocracy, this might be a wonderful way to give the meek a chance to inherit the earth.

3) Panhandler Del Arte: This is an idea that elevates street performance to a whole new level. Panhandler Del Arte is a service that connects talented buskers with those gigs most starved for talent and full of the pork of bad wedding bands the world over. Panhandler Del Arte would allow buskers to enter themselves into a gorgeous online booking system, with little videos of their work and freestyle proiles. Your favorite Bar Mitzvah disco will never be the same after Crazy Legz Carmelo breakdances for a throng of screaming adolescents or how about that dude rockin out on the Shamisen at your next swanky cocktail party...KILLER! Seriously we all know buskers will put the hurt on any corporate entertainment gig any day of the week, they are better performers, they deserve it more and and even better, they'll actually be greatful for the hours dourves!

4) Build an Effigy of your Fears: This is an exercise in empowerment. First, in a moment of quient conetmplation write down the fears and insecurities that plague you most. Don't hold back, let the lead flow like wine. One you have your scribbled notes pare them down and choose the one that you loathe the most. Now comes the fun part. Build an effigy of your fear. Use pipe cleaners, cotton balls, heaping gobs of peanut butter and years of collected lint...there are no rules. Be fluid in your construction, choose essence over form. Take your time, as with lovemaking, there are no prizes for finishing early. Once your effigy is complete, staring at you from odd and lumpy eyes, you can begin to destroy it.

5) American Guy Fawkes Day: Why not have a special day, perhaps a national holiday devoted to the destruction of your least favorite historical figures. If it’s good enough for the British, it should be good enough for you too. So rack your brains, pour through the history books, find that special someone who you’d most like to take out your workaday tensions on, and build yourself a good old fashion effigy. I think this could be an event sponsored by churches, synagogues, clubs, bars, mosques and gangs around the nation. National burn an effigy day. It would be the expression of the idiosyncratic individualism which makes this country great! Build it large, build it tall, build it strong – and then DESTROY!!!!!!! RAWWWHHHHHHHHH